For the kittens- It's Masturbation Month.

It is that time of the year again. When the sun starts to come out of hiding. When the flowers start to bloom. When we dust off the bbq and when…ahem we are supposed to masturbate?!

Mmm. Wow. Sorry folks. I don’t know how that got in there.

But yes! May is the official national masturbation month. The time set aside for everyone to join in the mass debate (see what I did there).

If you know a bit of my story then you know that porn and masturbation are things that I have had struggles with and things that I still to some degree struggle with today. Porn and masturbation are still very much taboo subjects in the church. Some people don’t like to talk about such things. Which is fine I guess, unless of course you are finding it difficult to quit when you really want to, and when the only way to actually beat it is to be open about your struggles. When you’re falling deeper and deeper into an addiction you thought would never get you and now you find yourself hating yourself, hating God and ending up wondering who the person staring back at you in the mirror is.

Then, of course, it isn’t so good to not talk about such things.

So this May, instead of promoting masturbation I want to encourage you to give it up. Give it up for one month, if that sounds too much try a week, a day even. Just stop spanking your monkey long enough to see how it changes how you feel about yourself. But of course there needs to be good reasons to quit and below I have come up with 3 excellent reasons why you should give masturbation the heave ho this May.

1/ It is a well known fact that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Kitten’s are cute and the thought alone of a poor kitten dying because of you, should be enough of a motivation to stop. Masturbation is making kittens extinct. I certainly don’t want that blood on my hands.

2/ No, masturbating won’t make you go blind or make hairs grow on your palms. But it will encourage you to lust. It will mean you start to objectify women in your head. It will mean that you won’t have a healthy respect for your girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse. Give me hairy palms any day.

3/ Masturbation isn’t usually done in isolation. Usually there are triggers such as porn. So even if you do masturbate without any, how can I put this, help, eventually you will need porn. And that will eventually lead to finding yourself looking at porn more and more, which could lead to addiction, which will lead to despair, low self esteem, an unrealistic view of sex, stronger porn, even lower self esteem, isolation from others, and more porn. I could go on. Needless to say it’s a vicious circle.

So there you have it. Happy (Non)Masturbation month of May everyone. Who is willing to take up the challenge?

And remember, if for nothing else. Do it for the kittens.

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Take Your Pick

You were made for more.

Not for less or for just enough, but for more.

You have a dream (don’t tell me you don’t) and you have a desire to live for
something.

But that isn’t real.

It’s only real when you start to live it out.

It’s not about whether it’s successful or not. It’s about whether you start to
pursue it.

The same exists for porn.

You have a desire and a lust and it lives in your head.

The only difference between lust and your God given dreams is that when you
start to pursue lust, it goes nowhere. In fact it goes back.

When you start to pursue your God given dreams they start to come alive. They
start to breathe. Which mean you start to come alive and you start to breathe.

Today you have a choice. Today you can pursue something that leads to nothing
but heartache and inner turmoil or you can follow the life that comes from
something bigger and more incredible than you could imagine.

It’s that simple.

Take your pick.

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Church Sex Scandals

First Ted Haggard was accused of having sex with a male prostitue, then the whole Roman Catholic Church abuse issue. Now, not to be undone, Bishop Eddie Long of New Missionary Baptist Church in Georgia, USA has found himself in the middle of allegations of abuse from young males of having sex with them while they were under his leadership and care in his church.

It seems that every few months the Church is due another huge sex scandal and right on cue it has happened again. And I think that there are so many issues that will arise from the Eddie Long situation. From Everything that has happened to Ted Haggard and what is going on in the Catholic Church right now. How we deal (and how we have already dealt) with these scandals is important.

1/  Baby Steps

First off, all these allegations and cases of abuse begs the question, how do certain Church leaders get to this point? Well as Jon Acuff points out sin doesn't just come knocking one day. Especially sexual sin. We don't just start looking at porn. It is a culmination of lots of baby steps. If any of these allegations against Eddie Long turn out to be true, you can be sure it wasn't like he just woke up one day and decided to sleep with these young men. He would probably have been struggling with sexual issues for a while. Maybe even started looking at porn leading all the way up to sleeping someone. Sin comes to visit and before we know it is sleeping on our couch and wearing our clothes. Which leads to the next question..


2/ Why can't leaders feel they can talk about their sin?

If our Church leaders won't or don't feel they can talk about sexual temptation, what hope is there for the rest of us? Maybe the pressure of being seen as perfect and then admitting that we aren't is too much to bear. Why is the Church environment not conducive to talking about our sin? Because keeping our mouth closed is easier than dealing with the fall out. We have groups for AA and drug addictions but we don't want to talk about, whisper it, S.E.X.  Maybe pride tells us that we can beat temptation, that we can stop it before it goes to far. More often than not, we can't. We need help. The sooner as a Church we can start being free and open with our struggles to each other the better. The sooner leaders get this, the better. 

3/ Homosexuality isn't the isssue, hypocrisy is.

Sure there is an debate in the Church right now about how we view homosexuality, but is this the real issue? Or is the real issue that some of our Church leaders are condemning homosexuality on one hand, while on the other are engaging in the very acts they talk of being abonimable? How can the Church claim to lead the way in moral issues if we don't really believe what we say? I think the simple answer is we can't. Too often Christians are seen as high and mighty and as looking down at others. The reason? Because so often we act that way. We contradict ourselves and when we so publicly do, we are killing ourselves and each other.

4/ Hiding behind the sins of others.

Right now the easiest thing in the world for me to do right now would be to condemn people like Ted Haggard or Eddie Long. But the truth is if I did, I would simply be hiding my own sins behind theirs. We love to see huge, famous people fail. We love scandal because it makes our own sins seems pretty ok. They aren't. The truth is I'm not much different than them. The moment I start saying I am, I lose sight of Grace. Sure they have forgotten the whole removing the plank from your own eye, before removing the splinter from someone elses, by their actions. Not just because of their sexual sin, but by condemning others for theirs. But as soon as I start condeming them, I am doing the exact same thing. It doesn't matter if my sin isn't exposed so publicly to the world. It matters because it effects my world; it effects my relationships with the people I love and who love me. (This doesn't mean their sins should be looked over. They need help and love and grace and discipline as we all do. The whole point of removing our planks is so we can effectively help others with theirs, not that we can be perfect.)

These recent sex scandals should serve all of us to look at ourselves. How we put leaders on pedel stools. How we need to match up what we believe and what we do. (Let's not just think this is about sex, it's about what we do with our money, whether we gossip, whether we literally help the poor everyday, it's about being truly transformed by God's love so it permeates into everything we think and do).

Imagine the hurt that could have been saved if Ted Haggard had sought help before things got out of hand?

What do we do now?

We find places and people that we feel free to be honest with completely. We don't hide behind a facade any more.

That's not easy. Which is exactly why we need help.

Who will go first?

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Short but sweet.

Before you ask, no the title of this post doesn't refer to Michael J Fox in the awesome Back to the Future Movies.

It's more important than that. Simply these guys are doing great work and giving hope to those who need it.

So...

If you are struggling with addiction to sex then do yourself a favour and get sex addiction help. Or maybe you know someone who needs help with their internet addiction. If so then help them get internet addiction help. 
Or maybe you struggle with other depression or suicidal thoughts. You don't have to beat it alone. There are others who know how you feel.

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Accidents and Compliments

A few days ago when I woke up I got up and came downstairs and immediately turned my computer on. This is my routine most days if I‘m not working early. I get up, check facebook, check my emails, check any blogs that I read normally and then start to think about writing for the day.

That day though I got up and went to the xxxchurch site straight away. I am going to be writing a blog for them and I had submitted my first blog a couple weeks prior. And I am really excited about it because xxxchurch saved my life and I love and appreciate what they are doing and to be even slightly involved with this ministry is really exciting for me.

But…for the last week or so I had been logging on waiting to see my blog up on the site. And every day I had been disappointed slightly. Because it wasn’t up. Until three days ago that is.

I logged on and there it was. My xxxchurch blog. Brilliant! I had finally made it. My name in lights..so to speak. So I did a few other things online and I did a curious thing. I did something that I have been getting into the habit of doing lately and its not good.

Every few minutes I would refresh the page just to see if anyone had commented.

And suddenly I realised I had missed the point so badly. I had made this about me. I had made the blog all about me. Instead of writing and hoping that somehow that writing would help people who struggle, I was writing and hoping that someone would say I was an awesome writer.

I wanted Glory.

Now there is nothing wrong with receiving compliments. It is affirming and it encourages us and helps us to become better at what we do.

But on the flipside, when we do our art to receive compliments we have screwed priorities.

Like the musician who just wants to be famous and get rich, we have distorted our art. We have just started and already we have sold our souls to the devil (notice the small d, the grammar version of the middle finger).

That’s what selling out is. The process of doing something we love for all the wrong reasons.

The footballer who just wants to get all the glamour and girls.
The writer who wants people to hang off her every word.
The actor who makes the lowest common denominator Hollywood movie instead of the artistically intelligent indie movie.
The band who rehash their last album because that’s what sold millions.
The Pastor who sets out just to be controversial and offend.

So back to my xxxchurch blog and later that day I returned to it to find someone had commented on it.

Great! The moment I had been waiting for..

Only it wasn’t quite the moment I had been expecting. Instead the first comment had a real go at my post. I won’t go in to what they said but let’s just say they weren’t impressed at all.

But as I sat there reading it I realised it was the best thing that could have happened. I realised that I was free. I realised that if I write just so people can pat me on the back then I am doing something dirty, something I don’t want to be involved in.

If you are an artist or do anything creative really then I’m sure you know this feeling. The feeling of wanting Glory. I think it’s natural. But when you put all your energies into that then at some point you will feel let down. Because if our success is based on what others think of us then we are going to fail. At some point someone won’t think you are that great.

And that’s OK.

Because some will. There will be people who will be moved and inspired and helped by what you do.

But even that’s not enough. We need to do it for ourselves. We need to fulfill that part of us that says “this is what I was made to do”. This is why I am here.

Sooner or later you will crash into a wall. It could be creative or it could be someone’s opinion.

But you will just have to go around it.


Check out my new xxxchurch blog here if you like.


And feel free to say whatever you like

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God time.....or other suitably rubbish names for Quiet times Part 1

Last week I started to try and get into the rhythm of something that I have never really been that good at. The dreaded QT. Quiet times. I want to talk about a few things that I think I have learned over the last week about God and spending time with him.

I wish I was the kind of person who was able to sit down and feel God's presence and not get distracted. But I'm not. Plus I always felt Quiet times were boring and for the overly religious. I never thought God was boring but I just thought spending time with him was. Strange.

So last week I decided to have a quiet time every morning for the week. If only to see how it changed me, if at all. I have never been one for disciplines. I always thought they would make me boring and condescending or something like that. But I knew that if I at least gave it a go, then I could say I have made an effort getting to know God better.

Mistake number 1.

You see I thought that quiet times were going to radically change me. They were going to stop me sinning. They were going to stop me being tempted. They were going to give me some sort of understanding about God that was going to solve all my problems.

But it didn't.

And normally that would be enough to put me off doing it anymore.

But it hasn't.

And why? Because I think I have learned something important about quiet times. They aren't meant to magically solve everything. They are meant to be about being in God's prescence.

I read in an article recently about a guy who struggled with temptation and depression, who used to ask God to take away all his problems, to heal him.

But everytime he just heard silence.

I can relate to that. Wanting God to just take away some problem in my life so that I could properly follow him. I prayed so many times that if he took it away he would see a new me. For me it was porn. For you it could be something else. It doesn't really matter.

But for the guy that wrote the article and for me, we were often met with silence. I think that if God solved all our problems, or took away all our temptations we would simply look for something else. We wouldn't really be satisfied. We wouldn't really see a 'new' me. We would head somewhere else instead.

And that's what I think the point of quiet times are.

Jesus.

Jesus wants a relationship with us. He doesn't want to be our genie.

Sure he might grant us our wish but do I know Jesus better because of it?

If I woke up tomorrow and I wasn't tempted anymore does that mean I will be closer to Jesus?

I don't think so. I think we should have quiet times so we can get closer to God. Just enjoy his presence. Let him into everything we are experiencing. Not just to solve our problems. Be honest.

Does God want to save us from the things we struggle with? Of course he does.

But if thats all he does then we aren't really getting to know and enjoy him and we aren't really growing.

And that's why I am going to stick with times with God. Because even if I don't sin anymore I still won't have Jesus.

And I would rather have Jesus.

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The Last Temptation of Jesus

When the Bible is called the 'living word' it usually means several things. For example that even though it was written a long time ago it is still relevant today. But what I love more is that you can read something in the Bible, something you have read many times before and then suddenly a new insight jumps out at you. You get a new look at a bit of information that before was just part of the background.

I love when this happens and it happened to me this week. And it happened at a time when I really really needed a certain passage to take on some fresh meaning for me.

I'm talking about Matthew chapter 4, where Jesus is taken into a desert and tempted by Satan, trying to get him to give in to him. I haven't read this passage loads of times for myself but I felt like I knew it pretty well and that I understood all there was to understand. Boy was I wrong! And maybe the biggest lesson I learned was to read things for myself, not just assume that I know what they are going to say.

But in the words of the great Jimmy Cricket....there's more.

In my last post I talked about struggling with temptation. And one of the things I have really struggled with when I have been tempted by porn is to understand where Jesus was in it. I would pray and I would ask him to help and often he did, but somehow he felt distant and pretty much didn't understand what I was going through.

I mean I have heard on countless occassions that Jesus knows exactly what it feels like to be us. He knows what it feels like to go through our struggles. But I couldn't quite believe that. How can Jesus know what it is like to be tempted by porn?! He may well have been tempted sexually but it certainly isn't reported in the Bible.

But reading Matthew 4 again something hit me which has changed my whole look on Jesus. And the thing that hit me most was verses 8 and 9 (the message)

For the third test, the Devil took him to the peak of a huge mountain. He gestured expansively, pointing out all the earth's kingdoms, how glorious they all were. Then he said, "They're yours—lock, stock, and barrel. Just go down on your knees and worship me, and they're yours."

Jesus was tempted twice by Satan but then on the third time, he offers Jesus everything. He offers him power and prestige and control. He offers him the chance to control and rule the world.

There is a little problem though in that Satan can't offer him any of this. According to Satan if Jesus just bows to him he can have it all. But it isn't Satan's to give. Satan does not have any authority to give this to Jesus. It's a big stinking lie. Plain and simple.

I thought about when I struggle with temptation and lust and porn and I realised that this is exactly what Satan does with me. He offers me an escape. If I was just to take the time to look at that website or buy that magazine, then everything would be ok. The things I was looking for would be given to me. The hurt or void in my life that I think porn can fill will be filled....

When you struggle with porn or lust it is usually because there is something you are trying to fix. We use it to fix our past, our feelings of abandonment, our self image issues. We turn to porn to give us back control we feel we have lost somewhere. For me it may be issues to do with losing my father. A loss of a father figure. A loss of the type of love that a Father gives. For others it may be abuse they suffered or other parental junk from your past.

The main thing, no matter why you look at porn, you are looking to get back some sort of control. You were raped as a kid so you look at porn because it gives you a feeling of control again. Something that was taken from you. There are a hundred reasons why people turn to porn but I believe that regaining control is the underlying reason.

And it's at this point that I realised that Jesus does know what it feels like to be sexually tempted. Because Jesus was offered the chance to get control by Satan. Verse 1 tells us that Jesus had been fasting for forty days and nights and he was hungry. We don't know what Jesus dealt with during that time, but I bet he thought about what lay ahead for him. We know from Matthew 26 v 39 that Jesus was human because he asked for God to provide an alternative from him dying on the cross.

"My Father, if there is any way, get me out of this. But please, not what I want. You, what do you want?" (the message)

Jesus was scared. Jesus knew that this was not going to be nice. Wow Jesus was human. I read these two passages and suddenly I realised Jesus was just like us. I started to see Jesus as someone who understood everything I went through. This changes everything.

Back to the desert.

Jesus was hungry. He was vulnerable. He needed filled up. If you struggle with porn it's because you are hungry. You are vulnerable. You need filled up.

Wow. Are you getting that?!

And when Satan offers him a chance to get back a feeling of control, it must have been very tempting.

Jesus knows exactly what it's like to be tempted by porn. And he didn't cave. He stood firm. He knew that not giving in was what was really going to fill that hole. He knew that only God could really offer what he desired.

And if Jesus can do it then so can we. He is in me now and so that means his power is in me and you and anyone who loves him.

I have been tempted a few time recently and when I am I remember this. I remember that Jesus does understand what I am feeling and because he loves me he shows me how to get past the temptation. If nothing else just knowing Jesus understands is enough for me to resist. Knowing that Jesus does care. Because now I don't feel alone. I don't feel like I am the only one who goes through this.

And even if you are (but you're not)

Jesus knows.

Jesus understands.

Jesus does feel what it feels like.

Jesus survived the desert.

That means so can you.

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I like big Buts

I'm putting my lack of blog posts lately down to being pretty busy. In the last few weeks since I got home from London I have been at school, saying goodbyes, making some money, hanging out with friends, Summer Madness and now finally sitting down and just taking some time for myself.

It's much needed. It feels good and I think that everyone should take some time, every day just to be on their own. I'm finally now getting the chance. And what a lot of stuff it has thrown up!

This week the temptations and issues I thought were a thing of the past raised their ugly (and I mean hideously ugly) heads again, (I need to deal with why that happened for sure but for now I want to deal with how I react in the moment). When something bad in your life that you thought was done with and has lost its control over you comes back it can be scary and alarming and just frustrating. But this week I really got to understand first hand how God can use all things for his glory.

I was tempted to look at porn again this week and I honestly very nearly did. Something stopped me. Something in me that I certainly can't explain but whatever it was I am just glad it spoke up inside of me. However I wasn't honest about how I was struggling. I said I was fine and I wasn't and I lied to the one person I should be able to share these things with. It was close and I know that I hurt someone very close to me because of it.

And that is where my healing really came from.

Love is supposed to be a great motivator but honestly for me anyway, knowing I have hurt someone is much more challenging for me to change behaviour. When I stopped looking at porn it began by feeling terrible about what I had done. The feelings of shame or being found out made me reassess what I am doing. Simply put, causing someone else to hurt is what makes me more than anything else want to not look at porn. There is no greater motivation for me.

The trouble for me though is that I think I have confused these feelings for feelings of hatred and disgust at myself. No doubt sometimes those feelings are necessary to cause change in our behaviours but definately it is not what we should be living with. I have been shown this week by my best friend that feeling bad because we have hurt someone should not be seen as identical as hating ourselves all the time.

I don't want to ever forget how I made my girlfriend feel when she found out what I had nearly done but at the same time I need to live with that at a healthy distance. My girlfriend calls this 'owning our sin'.

In one of the books in the New Testament, Romans it talks about God's love and it says

Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: (The Message).

Now if this is true and I believe it is, then how would me hating myself constantly, fit into God's love for me. Well..it just couldn't. It's impossible. Porn or masturbation (if that is a sin?...that deserves another post all of its own) or any other sin we do are not able to make God love us less. And me hating myself is certainly not in God's plan for me or you or anyone. So we can't go around beating ourselves up all the time. I can't beat myself up because of stuff in my past.

God's love is bigger than us or anything we think or do.

So this is where I find myself. I want to remember what I have done in the past. I want to remember the hurt and devestation it has caused, to myself but also others. I want to remember the way I felt when I have been pulled up about porn. I want to remember when I have been told that unless I stop things I shouldn't be doing a relationship can't continue. It's not nice. It certainly puts things in perspective.

But.... and this is a huge but (insert own joke here), I don't want them to affect how I feel about myself. I am loved. God loves me so much. God's love covers the worst thing I can think of. Or the worst thing I do. I want love to be the main motivator for me to stay pure. God's love and my girlfriend's love. My friends' love and my families love. I think the way we should live in this truth is that when we sin it should make us feel bad. I guess that's where repentace begins.

But maybe we need to always hold these feelings at a safe distance.

Love allows us to live with these things and not let them dictate our lives. So my challenge for myself and anyone who struggles with porn or lust or sin. Don't just assume your actions don't affect other people. They do. We need to remember that. But if we base them in God's love, a love that can never be destroyed, they can inspire us to be fair to ourselves and the people close to us by living without sin, without giving ourselves a mental beating.

If that doesn't help remember this ....

the only buts we should be looking at are the ones that God shows us, when we think we can't let go of our sin..

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Cause and Effect Part 1

I believe that everyone needs something to get their teeth into. I think there is more to our being alive than just the normal everyday stuff we go through. I think we all need something that inspires us to get up and help others. Something that we are specifically meant to be working at.

For me there have been several over the years. Ministries that I have been involved with, supported, been excited by. One of those is xxxchurch. This is the type of thing I want to be involved in. This is what I want to do. I want to help people by sharing my story and encouraging and not being afraid to go where others are. I want to go first.

I was talking to my Principal at Bible College last week about this ministry and about myself, about what I see my picture in the world looking like and I was really encouraged by his words. I am passionate about porn and I want the church in Ireland to start talking about it. He told me that I should pursue this. That he would encourage me with this. And coming from a guy who I look up to I can't tell you how much it meant to me to hear that.

I have struggled with it pretty badly in the past. I struggle with it still daily. But sometimes I feel I am the only one that struggles with these types of things.

Two options.

One. That is true.
Two. I am not the only one, it's just we don't want to talk about it. And who could blame us. It took me a long time to tell someone.

I think the second option is true.

I have been encouraged by others I have spoken to who also see porn as a problem in the Church and want to help.

I wrote in a post previously about how sometimes we struggle with the very things that we are called to. So for me I see my struggle with porn as a sure fire sign that I am called to help people who struggle with porn.

So this is where I am right now. This is what I am thinking.

I think we all have heard stories or met people and something in us just can't accept what is going on and wants to start moving. For me that is helping people who struggle with porn. For you it might be something else.

Check out Jordy's story. The video was shot 4 years ago when he struggled with porn daily and now he is working for xxxchurch.

That's awesome.

Simply he heard about a cause, was excited, was convicted and changed his life. Now the effect is clear to see.

Again.

Awesome.

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explanations

I often find myself reading something that really resonates with me or stirs something within me that gets me excited about who I am. I like that. Recently for me it was the latest posting by Shellie R Warren on her blog on the xxxchurch site.

I like her take on all things to do with sexuality and what she said really got me thinking about being Holy and who we are in Christ. I won't go into great detail, but I want to share what I got from it.

She basically talked about being uncommon, about not being like everyone else, about treating yourself like God treats you, basically loving yourself. This is something I have a hard time doing sometimes.

You see to be common means to go with the grain or to try and be like everyone else even if you know that its not good for you. To be uncommon means the opposite. Not just to not care what people think of you but to not treat yourself less than you should

1 Peter 2:9-10 says
“But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy.”

I like this because when taken in the context of which Shellie is talking ie from someone who treated herself sexually well below the level that God had planned for her, it is a reminder that we are called to be uncommon in these issues.

xxxchurch is important to me for many reasons but they are helping to remind myself that I am uncommon. I don't have to be like other people who don't take their sexuality seriously. I have a higher standard when it comes to that and so does God.

And I believe that this starts with how we view ourselves and whether we love oursleves or not. If we do then we will find it easy to live to God's standard but if we don't we struggle and I believe this has been why I struggled so often with lust. When you love yourself, you don't feel bad and don't need other avenues such as sex to give us self esteem. It's all in who Jesus is and what he does.

We need to remember that whenever we feel tempted or vulnerable to give in to sin. We have a standard to reach but which we already have met, simply because we have the Holy Spirit in us. I think that whenever we decide that we are worth more, that we are special as a basic characteristic of who we are in Christ, then we can be standard setters for people. We don't have to treat ourselves like we are worthless because we aren't. We are special, meant for a special purpose, unique, exceptionally valued. We are uncommon

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