Accidents and Compliments

A few days ago when I woke up I got up and came downstairs and immediately turned my computer on. This is my routine most days if I‘m not working early. I get up, check facebook, check my emails, check any blogs that I read normally and then start to think about writing for the day.

That day though I got up and went to the xxxchurch site straight away. I am going to be writing a blog for them and I had submitted my first blog a couple weeks prior. And I am really excited about it because xxxchurch saved my life and I love and appreciate what they are doing and to be even slightly involved with this ministry is really exciting for me.

But…for the last week or so I had been logging on waiting to see my blog up on the site. And every day I had been disappointed slightly. Because it wasn’t up. Until three days ago that is.

I logged on and there it was. My xxxchurch blog. Brilliant! I had finally made it. My name in lights..so to speak. So I did a few other things online and I did a curious thing. I did something that I have been getting into the habit of doing lately and its not good.

Every few minutes I would refresh the page just to see if anyone had commented.

And suddenly I realised I had missed the point so badly. I had made this about me. I had made the blog all about me. Instead of writing and hoping that somehow that writing would help people who struggle, I was writing and hoping that someone would say I was an awesome writer.

I wanted Glory.

Now there is nothing wrong with receiving compliments. It is affirming and it encourages us and helps us to become better at what we do.

But on the flipside, when we do our art to receive compliments we have screwed priorities.

Like the musician who just wants to be famous and get rich, we have distorted our art. We have just started and already we have sold our souls to the devil (notice the small d, the grammar version of the middle finger).

That’s what selling out is. The process of doing something we love for all the wrong reasons.

The footballer who just wants to get all the glamour and girls.
The writer who wants people to hang off her every word.
The actor who makes the lowest common denominator Hollywood movie instead of the artistically intelligent indie movie.
The band who rehash their last album because that’s what sold millions.
The Pastor who sets out just to be controversial and offend.

So back to my xxxchurch blog and later that day I returned to it to find someone had commented on it.

Great! The moment I had been waiting for..

Only it wasn’t quite the moment I had been expecting. Instead the first comment had a real go at my post. I won’t go in to what they said but let’s just say they weren’t impressed at all.

But as I sat there reading it I realised it was the best thing that could have happened. I realised that I was free. I realised that if I write just so people can pat me on the back then I am doing something dirty, something I don’t want to be involved in.

If you are an artist or do anything creative really then I’m sure you know this feeling. The feeling of wanting Glory. I think it’s natural. But when you put all your energies into that then at some point you will feel let down. Because if our success is based on what others think of us then we are going to fail. At some point someone won’t think you are that great.

And that’s OK.

Because some will. There will be people who will be moved and inspired and helped by what you do.

But even that’s not enough. We need to do it for ourselves. We need to fulfill that part of us that says “this is what I was made to do”. This is why I am here.

Sooner or later you will crash into a wall. It could be creative or it could be someone’s opinion.

But you will just have to go around it.


Check out my new xxxchurch blog here if you like.


And feel free to say whatever you like

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Sean

There are times when your preconceptions are shattered and what you thought you know is completely blown wide open.

These times are good. They can be painful and difficult to deal with. But ultimately they are good because you start to see truth where before you were seeing what you thought was truth.

But it wasn’t.

I have a lot of preconceptions (that’s probably a whole other thing to get into) but on Thursday night I had my preconceptions of Homeless people changed dramatically.

When I saw a homeless person on the street I forgot that they are a person with a life and a history. They have a story.  And I forget that they weren’t always homeless.

On Thursday night I went with two really close friends into Belfast because one of my friends wanted to give out food and blankets to homeless people.

We only met one homeless person.
His name is Sean.
We met him outside Botanic train Station.
Sean is nearly 40. He looks like he is a lot younger.
He has been homeless for almost 20 years. That’s nearly half his life.
His Father threw him out. He says hi to his Father sometimes in Belfast but his Father hardly acknowledges him.
He had been in the Hospital the night before. He discharged himself because he felt the Doctors were taking him for a ride.
His mother is dead and his Father wouldn’t even let him in the House for a cup of Tea after the funeral.
He has a nephew.
He has epilepsy.
He likes a drink.
He likes to smoke.
He needs assistance in getting up and sitting down.
He was given a new sleeping bag from a Mission but he doesn’t want it because he says he doesn’t need it.
He knows where to score drugs.
He once slept on a bench with about an inch of ice.
He likes Cheese and Ham sandwiches.

We learned a lot about Sean.

But mostly I think we learned that Sean is human. He isn’t inferior because he lives on the street. He just got a bad break in life. It could have been me. It could have been any of us.

He isn’t loved by his own Father. He has washed his hands of him.

So we decided to love Sean. We gave him some sandwiches, a couple of blankets and a couple of cigarettes.

I don’t know if we did much. But I think we listened. We let him tell his story. By doing that I think we gave him some dignity because he has a story. And if you have a story that means you are someone.

And Sean is someone.

Next time you are passing Botanic Station say hi to him.

Remind him that he is someone.

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Why the World only needs one Rob Bell

When I write I have a tendancy to compare myself to other writers.

I love Rob Bell and I love Don Miller and I wish I was them. Well maybe not them exactly, but I definately wish I thought like them and I had thier talent.

But I don't. I try my best but ultimately I am just not Rob Bell or Don Miller or any other great writer for that matter.

And when I understand that I can finally move on and start writing like someone else unique.....

Myself.

When I constantly compare myself to other people I am preventing myself from being who I was created to be. I wasn't born to be Rob Bell. I was born to be Paul Robinson.

And when I constantly compare myself to other people it shows a lot about what I think about God.

If you asked me if I thought God is perfect and never makes mistakes I would say yes. But I seem to have some trouble applying that to myself.

Sometimes we get so bogged down by our own faults and our own mess ups that we focus too much on oursleves and not enough on God. We see ourselves and hate ourselves even for not being good enough and we forget that there is more to it than meets the eye.

If we look at who we are and come to the decision that we are not good enough and worthless, then how can we trust our own opinion of ourselves. If I am as worthless as I sometimes see myself, well why would I trust that type of persons opinion.

But thankfully my opinions of myself aren't really worth much. That's good news.

When I base God's view of me on the type of person I am, I am inevitably setting myself up for failure.

God's view of me is always the same.

He loves me.

He loves you.

I can mess up every day and never go anywhere but God will always love me.

How can he love me though when I struggle with porn? Or how I can he love me when I hate my body? Or how can he love me when I keep treating my friends like crap?

Simply,

because he is God. And unlike us he doesn't make mistakes. He created each of us exactly the way he wanted. Yeah sure sometimes we get off track, and need reminded of that, but its still true.

So what does this mean?

Well it means that I can stop trying to earn God's love and favour by trying to be people I am not. We can start focusing on the fact that when God made us he made us exactly so we wouldn't be anyone else. It means that I can stop being anxious and rest in that knowledge and start living my own story.

We should study people like Rob Bell or whoever we look up to. We should learn from them and take away principles of their ministry or writing or art.

But we shouldn't try and just copy it. Because we are doubting God's ability to make something of unique beauty and goodness from our own lives when we do.

Because the world only needs one Rob Bell.

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Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading

It doesn't seem that long ago since Christmas. Seven weeks and five days to be exact.

And now we are already gearing up for Easter. The Easter eggs have been in the shops for a few weeks already. It seems that preparation starts earlier and earlier.

But for pretty much all my life I have not been prepared for Easter. Today is Ash Wednesday and it marks the beginning of Lent. The time period of 40 days or so where we traditionally give up something we love. Maybe for you its coffee, or chocolate or cigarettes, or maybe you are giving up watching LOST. Maybe you gave that up ages ago.

Whatever it is. It's good to deny ourselves some stuff over this period. It's good to direct our minds on something other than ourselves. And I think that is the main point of Lent. It's not that we try and make ourselves miserable for some sort of higher spiritual experience.

But it's supposed to help us to think outside our own existance and help others,

It's supposed to prepare us so we can appreciate Easter more.

I don't think Lent is just about giving up something though. It's also about replacing it with something else that is good and worthwhile. It's about remembering the sacrifice Jesus made by sacrificing something we love.

So maybe you have decided to give up your ipod (I know, I know, how 2007 of me), or maybe you won't go on facebook for a while. I have heard lots of really good ideas. How about not using the radio or having music play in your car so you can spend driving time, praying instead.

But what are we replacing these things with? Who are we helping? Where are we directing our time now that we have given up facebook for a while?

Well as I wrote about in my last post, I am not the most disciplined of people. So instead of this year setting myself up for failure and feeling crap I have decided to follow this Lent Calendar from Marshill. It might be a great way of us to connect better.

There are a load of different ways you can get ready for Easter. You don't just have to give up stuff. You can give up time. You can help someone who needs help. You can take an interest in an issue in the world that is damaging the Earth. You can drink only water and donate the money you normally would spend on coffee or beer to help create clean water for people who don't have it.

I must stress that this won't make you more holier or superior to anyone who doesn't give up something at Lent. But what it will do is give you a greater appreciation of what Jesus did. Of the sacrifice he made. Of the life we now have because of his dying to himself.

Why not give it a go? What is there to lose? What are you going to give this Easter?

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Can't go on, must go on, can't go on, mu.....

I like to write but most of the time I don't feel like it.


I like to blog but at times, like right now, I just can't be bothered. I have no motivation whatsoever. This guy I am not

That sucks when something you enjoy doing is not appealling. I have that feeling and I need to figure out why.


And I think I know.


Discipline.


I hate that word so much. Mostly because I severely lack in that department. Reading the Bible, praying, revising, practicing the piano, all these things we are told are good for us, are not interesting to me most of the time.


And I don't have the discipline to write. But I want to.


Right now I am writing but I want to stop. I think what I am writing is crap and quite possibly it is. These are the thoughts I get when I am trying to become disciplined at doing something. "I don't want to", or "I'm not good at it", or "I don't feel Jesus' presence" or "I am bored out of my skull"


I am writing this sentance and I have written all the previous ones but there is something in me which is telling me to stop and go on to facebook instead.


And I don't even know what it is keeping me going. But somehow I am. Something is telling me to stop but the voice telling me to keep going is somehow winning.


And that folks is all I have for you. I don't have some nugget of wisdom to give you on how to become disciplined. I am the wrong guy for that.


But maybe the point of discipline is that we need to just keep going. Maybe it won't be pretty. Maybe it will be hard and there will be sweat and blood (though if there is I think you are definately doing something wrong) and tears.


Maybe we need to start small and build instead of thinking we need to pray 24 hours a day, or read the whole Bible in a year or learn that piece of music all in one day or whatever.


All I know is that discipline is good. It's important. It is healthy. We grow from it. We learn about ourselves and others from it. But God is it hard.


Maybe its supposed to be hard. Maybe I am just undiscplined. Maybe you think it is easy.


What works for you? How do you get out of that rut where you simply don't want to?

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